Cousins in Arms

I am the oldest of 9 cousins. My brother Matt, who is the next of the cousins, is 6 years younger than I, so for a long time it was the adults and me. In fact, I was 10 years old before I even earned the title 'cousin'....on March 16th, 1978, when my cousin Doug was born (and, yes, sorry Doug, but I cried all the way to school, disappointed you weren't a girl...but that's what 10-year-olds do!)

So the years went by...Derrick, Tom, Brad, Lisa (finally a girl when I was 13 years old!!!), Greg and Brian. There were only 3 of us on my mom's side, the Harker family, so we didn't have to fight much to get attention. And, being the only girl for a long time on my dad's side, the Eakins family, didn't hurt, either. I was able to get so much special time with my grandparents that the younger cousins didn't: watching Johnny Carson with Grandma Eakins late at night and Love Boat at Grandma and Grandpa Harker's; riding in my Grandpa Harker's models A and T at parades; making TONS of Christmas cookies every year with my Grandma Harker and mom; and frying green tomatoes and dandilions with my Grandma Eakins...can you say YUM?! And, it was never too crazy at family get-togethers, so we were all able to have a good time and stay relatively close, even though my parents had moved from the Chicago suburbs to a farm in southern Wisconsin, 2 hours away.

Since I got a later start on a family than Matt, and Bernie's sister Jen was married early, too, our Twinkies entered this world already having 5 cousins: Timmy 10; Annie, 8; Nadia, 4; Cody, 3; and Mason, 2. How sad we were that only 3 weeks after the Twinkies were born, Nadia and Mason moved from NJ as their time in the AF here was done...but at least the Twinkies came 5 weeks early so that they could meet them before they left! And, the Twinkies still had their NJ cousins, Timmy, Annie and Cody...TAC...who only lived about an hour away and were incredibly excited to be the BIG COUSINS.

To be realistic, until the last year or so, the Twinkies haven't really appreciated cousins, both in concept and function. They were often so content with having each other, and they were really too young up until now.  The age gap made it hard, too. However, over the past summer, the Twinkies have been able to spend much more time with all of their cousins than they'd been used to, and it was incredible: My brother came out for the 4th and spent almost a week with us, and we had time at the shore with Timmy, Annie and Cody and then again for a 3-day sleepover at our house.

There is something indescribable about spending days in a row with someone versus simply visiting them for an afternoon birthday party or holiday dinner. First of all, there aren't as many people around, so you can play, eat, hang out, and have adventures. Secondly, you can just 'be' a lot easier! If you forget to ask something at 1pm, chances are you'll remember to ask in a few hours....and you'll still be together!  You really get to learn a lot about a person, you laugh over little things...like the misunderstood lyrics of songs and funny food habits.

Being together over extended periods gives people the opportunity to be reminded that we are not all alike...we each have unique differences and quirks.  The beauty of being a family is that we love each other anyway.  I've been a fan for some time of the saying that you can love someone and at the same point in time not like them.  I think it's a great way of putting our differences into perspective....that no difference or obstacle takes away from the love we have of family (and good friends, for that matter!)

Little Things

Tweens waving at me from the back seat of a school bus I'm following, watching me laugh and then waving more ~ Nils saying, 'You're going to make me cry' when he saw Bernie and I walk into the Tony's Pizza at lunch, because he was so happy ~ Sylvia saying, 'Nils, I'll wake you up tonight, so you don't wet your bed' ~ Seeing our Nieces and Nephews A LOT this month ~ Bernie making it safely to Orlando...without delays!

Thank you, Lord, for blessing us with the little things!

Twinkies Minus One...I don't like this math!

As time went by, the roller coaster continued to loop around without stopping to drop us off at the designated area....Hold on, we're ready for the ride to end! (Ha, ha, ha!!)

89 of the state-mandated 90 days consisting of five grueling evaluations went by before we found out on June 14th that our Twinkie son was accepted into the incredible special services preschool program in our town.  Luckily Bernie was able to make it to the meeting, as it was much more overwhelming than I expected it would be.  After reviewing all of the evaluations, they told us they'd like to have him in the program, and without hesitation tears began to stream down my face uncontrollably.  Yeah, he would be getting the help he needs!  Oh no, he's going to be classified and have an IEP!  I was mentally prepared for all of this, but the emotions erupted none-the-less.

It was on that day that we found out more about the program...The program itself is fantastic, so we couldn't ask for more, but it was not what we were expecting for our family.  All along, we thought it would be a half day program (another mom had told me it was when her son was in it a couple of years ago, and it was on the school website as such), so it would be in addition to his existing pre-k schooling (they were signed up for transitional K this fall, 5 mornings a week, since they don't turn 5 til late Oct.)  When I asked the case manager during the evaluation process about the program, she said she didn't want to say anything until the evaluations were done.  So, it was on the day he was accepted into the program that they told us how it's a full day program and integrated with the normal preschool.  Wow, that was great news....his Twinkie sister could attend the same school!  So, we were super psyched, and I called to sign her up right away.  Unfortunately, the only person in the entire office who knew diddly-squat was out with the flu for 2 days, so I had to leave messages.  On day 4 we received a call back, saying to come in and fill out the application, but when I arrived an hour later, I was told that the 2 classes were full, AND there are already 2 kids on the wait list.  (Yes, round 2 of SERIOUS CRYING.) Another week of phone calls, Hello?!  You know he has a twin sister, and it never dawned on you to have us sign her up?  Is there anything we can do?  The school finally told us they were considering adding a 3rd class, and they would let us know in a week.  Three weeks later, last week, they announced their decision not to add a class. 

So, now it's mid-July, and after being hopeful our twins would be able to attend the same school in the same town, we found out how crazy opposite their schedules will be....public vs. Christian school; schools in 2 different towns, because we live in Franklin Lakes but work in Midland Park.  We considered trying to get her in another preschool in our town, however, we love the preschool they've been attending for the last 2 years:  Our daughter is going to have the same teacher she had last year, they knows the whole situation we are faced with, and they've offered to let me drop her off early, if we need to.  Truly awesome.  Plus it's only 4 blocks from our office and 1 block from my in-laws.  Again, can you say AWESOME!

It will only be a year, because this is just a preschool program, and we will survive.  I know we will...we all will.  It's just not how we were hoping it would go:  The words keep going around in my head, "If they had just told us about the program at the beginning of the 90 days, we would have signed his sister up months ago"..."it would have been worth the risk to lose the application fee, just to save ourselves the hassle"..."If he were in a program that wasn't integrated, then we wouldn't have had the hopes that she could even go to his school!"

But, alas, all that is behind us now.  The fun is ahead of us...spending more time with each of our Twinkies, seeing them grow in ways we can't even fathom, and knowing that this is all part of God's plan for us.  Sure, I don't like the math, but it could be a much worse equation! 

How about you...have you dealt with separating your children due to special services?

Do You See What I See?

The last few months I have been screaming on a self-created roller coaster ride.  I must admit, though, that I wanted to ride the roller coaster....I just didn't see the triple-corkscrew turns on the backside!

For several months before the seat belts on the ride clamped down, I had been noticing behavioral things with our Twinkie son that concerned me.  I had mentioned them to Bernie, but he more often than not thought our son 'was just being a boy'.  I heard that a lot from various people.  However, I saw him in various situations, around many other boys, where he was definitely WAY more of a boy than the rest of the boys....and not in a good way.  Church, school, gymnastics, swimming, birthday parties, and any new situation....all would reveal moments, sometimes quite long, of  hyperactivity, distraction, inattentiveness, and random crazy behavior.  Sure, many 4 year old boys act this way, but I was seeing it with him on a regular basis.  He was getting in trouble a lot from teachers and instructors and receiving many odd looks from strangers.

One day while watching him and his Twinkie sister in gymnastics, I thought out loud:  Buddy, can you just freaking sit and listen for 30 SECONDS?!  A mom heard me and began to tell me about her daughter when she was that age.  One thing led to another, and we ended up having an incredibly enlightening dialog...one that made me see things in a way that made it easier to explain to Bernie why I thought we needed to act on what I was seeing while our son is still young and before he gets labeled as 'the troublemaker', etc.

I called his preschool teacher the next day, and she was relieved to hear my concerns, because she had been seeing what I had been seeing. Bernie and I met with her, and he began to see things even more clearly and understand how important it would be to get help for our son as early on as possible.

The next day I wrote a letter to our town to have him evaluated by special services.  It was scary and exciting all at once....getting help for our son that we were not being very successful in giving him would be wonderful, but, at the same time, it would also mean that life for our Twinkies could be much different than what they and we are used to.  But, how could we NOT try to get him help...if programs are available, it's our job as his parents to give him all we can.  A couple of weeks after sending my letter, we were contacted to schedule a meeting with the special services team.

...Please keep your arms inside your car and enjoy the ride!

Have you ever been at odds as parents about your child...maybe their behavior or difficulty in school or physical obstacles?  How have you come together for your child?

Waves

Waves of relaxation
Rising far from the shore,
The crashing foam brings them closer, but not within reach.