Snow Day #2.5

So far this year, we have had quite a few 'snow storms' in New Jersey.  Of course, they are nothing compared to the ones of my Wisconsin childhood, but are still worth noting, because the life-altering effect they have on the fair residents of the Garden State.


To start out with, the numbers simply freak people out.  They hear "9-12 inches of snow expected to HIT the area", and they're off!  It doesn't matter if the accumulation will occur in 5 hours or 5 days...frantic shoppers rush to stock up on food, water and shovels.  In all fairness, in an urban area such as ours, there really aren't many places to put all of the snow, so it really does mess up the roads.  And, unlike 'normal' winters here, the snow hasn't been melting.  Back home, with 5 lane highways belting the city and county roads in the middle of nowhere, the plows could launch the snow 100 feet, and it would just end up in a corn field or ravine.  Here, the same snow is often hitting someone's front door!

I've always complained about how ugly NJ winters are...a never-ending cycle of snow, slush, mud (repeat):  This year has been a beautiful exception.  We've been able to ice skate on our pond...a first for us here; do a ton of sledding on our ever-growing snow pile; and observe cardinals, blue jays, chickadees, titmice, doves, woodpeckers, geese (much to our dismay...they didn't leave our yard this year) and even turkeys feast at our fully stocked bird feeders.

The view from my 'island'

I've also complained about the snow days KILLING my work-from-home productivity:  This year I'm seeing a change in that, as well.  While I spent the night before each storm hoping and praying that it doesn't affect the kids' school schedules, the reality is that while they've ended up with 2 full snow days and 2 delays between the 2 of them, it really hasn't been as big of a deal as I've feared.  Today, for instance, I've been working on my laptop on my own private island...the kitchen island, that is...while the twinkies have been playing all around me WITHOUT much interruption!  Nils set up a mini version of his school in the basement, so that Sylvi could enjoy the play centers he experiences every day...she was so excited!  Sylvi has been coloring up a storm.  Nils has build even more amazing Lego creations.  They even had their own, SELF-IMPOSED rest time after lunch!  AND, I was able to get work done!

I do have to travel for work tomorrow, and they're saying there is more snow in the forecast.  So, once again, I will be hoping and praying it doesn't affect the kids' school schedules.  If it does, then Daddy may be lucky enough to have a repeat of the same great day I had today....Snow Day #2.5!

What am I worried about?!

For quite some time, I'd been hesitant to write a blog:  I waited a long time to start one, and since then I haven't posted too much that the general public can see, at least.


The reality is that I have written a lot here, and that I like to write.  Much of what I have written has been saved in my 'drafts' folder....fermenting, rotting, or aging nicely depending on the content. At times I was worried that I would offend people I care about, or not convey myself as I intended to. (I also critique my work over and over to the point of absurdity, so that by the time it's done, it's often no longer relevant!)

Well, enough of that silliness! I've decided, as I've known all along, that what I write is part of who I am. I do not write with perfection or about perfect subjects:  A bit of what I write may be upsetting and/or offensive to some; but it may be helpful and healing to others...as it is to me. Today I have decided to start introducing some of that content, because even if it only helps one person put something in their life into perspective, then that's perfection to me!

Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
(Psalm 25:4-5)

May God bless those who follow my blog...It's NO Coincidence that you're here!

The Malignancy of Tone Deafness

Our society is riddled with tone deafness. Not only in those who are musically challenged, but for anyone simply trying to communicate with others. It affects us all like a cancer, and when left unchecked spreads like a malignancy throughout our inner being, contaminating our lives and metastasizing to those around us.

Over the course of our lives we have primarily been affected by TONE DEAFNESS in the misunderstandings it creates. These misunderstandings arise not simply because of words that were said or written, but the tone that they came across in. Our perception of the entire person at the time of the discussion (based on our history with that person and our experiences with others) sets the tone. Maybe it's because someone 'makes a face', 'has THAT tone', yells, screams, rolls their eyes, 'gets in your face', slams a door, 'chimes in' in the middle of a conversation, or doesn't listen to what you are saying. Each of us filters these things differently, based on our own personal history, and our history with the person we're having the conversation with.Some of these filters we accept or ignore, even though we know they aren't right, and they grow unchecked...like a malignant tumor.

There is also TONE SENSITIVITY. Some people are more sensitive to loudness, others to sarcasm, others to sternness, others to whining, others to being cut off, others to being pointed at, others to the sense of losing control, and others to disagreement of any sort. A person that never yells will hear a raised voice as a scream. Kind WORDS spoken with a mean look on one's face will be heard as yelling.  An easy-going person may hear resoluteness or confidence as bossiness. Others will hear silence as not caring, when it's really overwhelming concern or fear. Many are able to ignore some tones all-together, while others hear the softest tones as fingernails on a chalkboard.  Often we get used to a tone over time; yet other times the tone gets progressively more annoying, or even hurtful....and that's when the metastasizing begins. 

There are other factors, too: the number of people in a conversation, their age, their maturity, their open-mindedness, their sex, their religious persuasion, their moral compass, their relationship to the others....the list goes on and on. It's easy to see how quickly misunderstandings can not only arise and even escalate out of control. 

I experienced one of these tone-deaf 'concerts' last year. My son and another boy had a disagreement...that no adults witnessed.  I stumbled upon them at the end, when they were both crying at each other.  I encouraged them to work it out, because clearly it was a misunderstanding, telling them that since they love each other, they needed to work past it. Anyway, they didn't work it out, and both ended up very upset and crying (keep in mind they were only 5 and 7). Parents got involved, and parents of parents, too: Each with their own tones AND their own tone 'filters'. As happens frequently, the filters didn't line up, so the misunderstanding spread. The filters were on high alert, kicking in full throttle with their complimentary arsenal of facial expressions, body language, sound effects and props. Words, tones, faces, tones, eyes, tones, arms, tones...another person enters the fray...new tones, new sensitivities, new filters...more words, stronger words, repeating of words louder. Escalation - malignancy, confrontation, walking away, banging props, tones filters on overload - metastasizing. Some participants were not talking, just filtering...hearing 'screaming' because the words weren't what they wanted to hear, seeing faces and tones without listening to words, or screaming in their own minds themselves, too frozen by their filters to say anything out loud.

I know I have tone deafness and tone sensitivities. I know my whispers can sound like screams, my smile cannot always veil my true feelings, and my voice has a sarcasm that reveals the truth behind my kind words. However, what about the tones I don't even realize that others hear? Do each of us really know our own tones or the effects they have on others? Do we even care or do we just expect others to get used to it or deal with it or move on? It's often much easier to find comfort in those who've grown used to our tones...have accepted them for what they are...or have the same tones as we do.

Perhaps, if we all critiqued our own tones as much as those of others we could learn to more easily forgive each other during times of misunderstanding. We must strive to listen to each other and learn from each other with an open heart and mind. And, to a large degree, accept each other for the filters and sensitivities that we all have and that are not quickly or easily changed.


We all have a lot of work ahead of us, but don't we owe at least that much to those we love?  I know I will continually remind myself of the words of Paul: "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those that hear." (Ephesians 4:29)